I don’t know why I shut down when i’m feeling stressed or struggling with something. It’s one of the worst things about me. And I want to talk to people about the problem so bad, but find myself getting so pissed when they don’t just fucking listen. I am weary and heavy laden with life decisions. I want to pour my heart somewhere. I want to see my worries and fears spilling on the ground like carrying water in a colander. And don’t try to clean up the mess. I’ll get to that later. I foresee me spending the evening pouring it into drawing and a glass of wine.
I also get stuck in realizing what a privileged shit I am that I have these life choices and so many people don’t. I wake up in the morning and am so blessed. I have to make decisions that will affect the next five years of my life and yet others only have the day to day to look at. I often feel ungrateful for the opportunity that I have been given.